Breaking the cracked mirror
by Sayyadeea
Summary: A Shih is pushed over the edge of madness. Laws of the East campaign scene.


This story is a scene taken from a Eastern-focused Old world of Darkness cronicle. So the storyline credit must go to the disturbingly creative people who played in it. Especially the Storyteller at the time, a delightfully warped mind. Please review and let me know your opnions, especially on whether it is possible to track the characters involved. This is also my first fan-fic submission. Thanks

It had all started a few weeks before. The last few years I've been roaming around Seattle keeping an eye out for anything odd. It's part of what the Shih do after all. Weird of me to settle in a single town, much less an American one, but I was tired of never seeing the same faces twice and Korea wasn't really home. Just where I'd been born. The eastern Shen that had settled here as well needed minding. They didn't understand this place or the local supernaturals much at all. I've ended up as translator, mediator and judge between the different factions, human and otherwise. I teach in a Dojo, granted it's owned by two Hengeoki, Tien is a zhong lung and she's married to a kitsune, Osha'shen. Two of my oldest friends, strange as that seems, so my bosses hardly think I'm weird, and I sleep in the same bed each night. It's nice.

In addition I watched over the international district here. Between all the different Shen, the different human cultures and the struggle to make it in a new country, there were always new weirdoes popping up. They certainly qualified. Religious types handing out flyers and bothering people on street corners are nothing new. But these were different. They weren't quite human. Not exactly like Ghouls, but close, and all spouting the same lines. "Hands of Heaven" they called themselves. Not quite right. So I kept a watch on them. They panhandled, proselytized and singled out people, leaning toward the Asian folks.

Then they started casing a restaurant in the District. It happened to be a hang out of a Triad. So, I dropped a word in the leader's ear. Next thing I hear the Triad confronted the Hands and got beaten to a pulp. Still, a brawl is not really my job to mediate. I watched while they explored more places in the district, not interfering. If some Shen wants to use human tools to find things out; they're not breaking the rules. They haven't crossed the line. So I waited.

First class of the day, Businessmen on their lunch break, a couple of women learning a little self defense, ordinary stuff. Casey, my assistant, was helping one with a difficult kick. I was ready to call the next kata when my phone rang.

It was the Triad leader. His voice had an edge of stress that could have sliced concrete. The Hands had taken the women and children of the Triad members as well as some of the other Triads and Tongs, and were holding them hostage at a restaurant around the corner. I told Casey to take the class and ran out the door.

As I got to the restaurant I saw the Tong and Triad people arguing out front. Some wanted to rush the place but it turned out that the Hands had a bomb upstairs with the hostages. I called up to the dojo and told Li Mi to get the Shen students down here.

Inside, there was a flight of stairs and at the top a middle aged man sitting on a chair holding a book and what looked like a large lighter. I tried to talk him out of the situation but he wasn't making any sense. He wanted the Kuei-jin to stop all their activities and come out into the open. All the tongs he'd taken hostages from were Scarlet Screens. He sounded like some Kin-jin's puppet but that definitely wasn't the way a Ghoul looked. It was some other kind of compulsion. He waved the book at me, it was small and white and he said it was God's instructions. He got more and more upset and I thought he'd do something rash. The hostages seemed to be through the door to his right. I didn't see a trigger or wires but he could call out to someone inside. I had to pray that Li Mi and the students had had time to get to the bomb.

There wasn't a chance I could get past him but I could immobilize him with Divine Bindings. So I turned away and went down a step to fake him out and then turned and threw. The green bands blossomed off the paper and wrapped around his body. As he fell to the floor his hands opened. Then I saw the long rectangular button rising on the side of what I had thought was a lighter. I didn't know what it was but my instincts screamed the danger.

My Chi surged as I tried to reach the device, but I was too far away. The blast threw me down the stairs. As soon as I came to my feet I ran up the stairs, past the bleeding triggerman and through what used to be the door at the top.

What I saw inside wrenched at my soul. A double circle of blasted chairs and bodies. They must have been chained to the bomb. My eyes fell on the smoking skull of a baby and I felt something in my mind snap. I remember nothing else that happened there.

***************************************************************************

I woke up in a bare room with my arms strapped to the bed; Dr. Ho's basement. I'd been here before when people needed somewhere to recover, or be locked up. I wondered which category I was in. Strapped down? I must be in the locked up department. Why? I felt drained, as if I had burned all my Chi in a fight. I tried to get loose but the straps were secure. The door opened and Dr. Ho looked in.

"Ah. Good Morning, Xuan. How are you feeling?" His usual clipped accent seemed to sharpen the question. If not for the soft sniffing Id heard at the door you'd never guess he was hakken.

"All right. Why am I strapped to the bed?" I was trying to be civil but I wanted out. I had things to do. That bastard had to pay and I was not going to find him by lying in bed. Somebody was controlling those wackos and he was not going to walk away from this.

"You proved most difficult to restrain. Do you remember what happened?"

"I remember the explosion. Not a lot after that."

"You broke the floor."

"The bomb did most of that"

"No, the section under the man with the detonator. It seems you buried your arm up to the elbow in the concrete, apparently through the man who had been sitting there. For a human, you are quite formidable. You are better? I would not wish to restrain you unnecessarily." His eyes searched my face for a reaction. "You will be our guest for a few days until you have recovered."

I was physically fine. No doubt they had healed me while I slept; it wasn't injuries they were worried about. It was my mind they were afraid of. I must have blanked out. I'd never done that in public before. The fugue states had been confined to practice sessions. I'd go blank and when I came to I'd trashed the dummy or bag I'd been working on and I'd be bleeding and bruised. It was a way to clear my mind. Hadn't been a problem until now. I made my face still and avoided his eyes.

_'They can't keep you here, they've got no right.'_

"Fine." I struggled to keep my face calm. What was that? Not a real voice, Dr. Ho hadn't heard it.

"Then I will release you. If there is anything you wish to discuss, please let me know." He let loose the straps and I sat up. It was all I could do not to bolt for the door. He turned to leave.

"Dr. Ho?"

"Yes?"

"How many?"

"Twenty-eight. There were no survivors. I am sorry."

_'You have to find him, he has to pay! _

That voice has been whispering in my head for three days. They're watching everything I do. But I can't stay here, that bastard will disappear, I'll lose what little trail I have and I might never find it again. Everyone is about like you'd expect, Tien is grouchy, Osha'shen drinks endless cups of tea and Dr. Ho watches me over his glasses. So all I have to do is stay calm, behave nice and sane and they'll let me out of here. I'm okay in company; I can keep up the mask. It's alone at night I can't make it shut up.

_They didn't follow the rules. _

If I have to sit in this basement much longer I'll lose it completely. The International District must be in chaos, I should be out there. Of course, their families died, they probably want me dead too.

_You Failed! They have to pay._

I try to meditate and get centered but I can't. I just keep seeing that button rising on the detonator. And the blasted remains of those children. The anger rises and I can't calm down. Is this what the shifters feel when they frenzy? But there's no way I could be feeling anything like that unless....

_'NOT RIGHT. THEY BROKE THE RULES. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED!'_

Howling fury drowns my thoughts, but the reality is clear now. My Po is awake. I scream and the world goes dark.

_**************************************************************************************_

Conscious again. The room is dark and this time my feet are strapped down too. Everything hurts and I feel like one of the practice dummies at the Dojo after a master class. I know I can't break the straps, they're solid and I haven't got the Chi to raise my strength, but I test them anyway. The bed feels odd, off center and the room smells dusty. I think I'll just lie here for a few years.

Looks like I've finally cracked. I've known for nearly a year I was doomed and this is the next step. First the fugues, now my P'o is active. Next I'll go more and more crazy, make some stupid mistake in combat and get myself killed only to rise as a Kuei-jin. Then all I have to do is master a Dharma and survive the Sixth Age, or fail and have my soul trapped in Yomi for all time. Simple.

But first I have to get out of the basement. I can hear someone in the outer room, I'll just stay quiet for now and they'll think I'm still out. Don't want to deal with them yet.

The door opens. I lie still with eyes closed, hoping they'll think I'm asleep.

"I know you're awake. You might as well open your eyes." Osha'shen, and not happy.

The light turns on and I open my eyes. He looks tired and the room is trashed. Broken drywall and cracked concrete blocks underneath both streaked with blood. I must have blanked out and started pounding the walls. Looking down, the rails on the bed are bent where the straps are attached.

"Would you like to tell me what's going on? Or are you ready to try to go through the walls again." His tone is weary.

"Hadn't you heard? I'm crazy." I keep my voice flat, the better to conceal my anger at being restrained. They'd known about the fugues before I had, Gryff had seen one when he came back to the Dojo late at night. They didn't tell me until I nearly killed Casey because she tried to stop me. Even then I had to guilt it out of her, my friends wouldn't tell me. Damned Hengeoki think they should run the world, especially Kitsune.

_They've no right to keep you here!_

"Not like this. Tien had to hold you down. Even then you bent the bed." He's watching me carefully; I've got to hold this together.

"Sorry. I'll apologize to Dr. Ho."

"He's got replacement beds, and drywall's cheap, gives the young ones something to do."

"I suppose I'm stuck here a while longer?" The anger in my voice surprises even me. Osha'shen is one of my oldest friends here. I've fought beside him more times than I can count, and now he's my jailer.

"What would you do if we let you go?" A pointed question, meant to force me to tell more than I wish to.

"I'd find the bastard that planned the bombing and kill him." I snap, hate clear in the speed and violence of the words.

_Yes! Make him suffer for his crimes!_

"Give it a few days. You don't know what you're chasing and you're in no shape for a fight." I force myself to be still as he unstraps me from the bed and hands me some clean clothes. "You're different, you seem unsettled."

"I've felt calmer." I move to get up and his hand on my shoulder stops me.

"We'll help if you'll let us." I shrug off his hand. There's no help for me now.

***********************************************************************

I've got to do something. My P'o mutters constantly in my head and if I don't find a way to stop it I'll fugue again. They're still watching me like a hawk and even if I could slip away they've got my nagamaki and my Jade and I'll need those. I wish I could tell them what's going on, I trusted them once. Would they let me out if I did? No, I don't think so, they'd try to find a way to fix me and change my fate. Much as I'd like that, it wouldn't work. I've earned this road, wasn't strong enough to be a Shih and not break. I tried to learn the Qiao that would strengthen my mind but I couldn't do it, I tried to meditate for calm, that didn't work either, and now it's too late. I sit on the bed and stare at my hands.

I've always been soft, too weak to take the horrors we face. Sifu scarred my back for failing, and every fight since left marks on my skin to remind me of lessons I hadn't learned. It all started with those first seven scars, seven people dead because I screamed. I was six then, two years into training, too well schooled to fear one rampaging Hakken. Sifu carved one scar for each of them, and I never screamed again. Not out loud.

But Sifu isn't here, just me and this maddening voice. The bed creaks under me; they haven't replaced it since I bent it. I can hear the broken springs in the mattress click when I move.

Wire springs? They've kept anything sharp away from me, even fed me nothing but sushi rolls so I wouldn't need chopsticks. But wire is sharp. I glance out the door, it's late and they'll be going to bed soon. No one ever checks on me once they lock me in for the night.

Osha'shen looks in, says goodnight and locks my door as he leaves. I wait until I am sure they have gone and I will not be overheard. Then I rip the side of the mattress open. Not hard to find a broken spring, I really trashed this thing. Its sharp point punctures my finger and the voice pauses. It'll work. I pull it free and sit down on the bed.

What to do? Sifu scarred my back but I can't reach there. Anyway this is worse, and I can't forget this failure, I need to be reminded every time I falter.

Almost of its own accord my hand rises to my collarbone and I carve a thin line, another next to it, then across the top and bottom forming a rectangle. The lines of pain seem to slow the voice of my P'o as it stops to consider. But this might not scar, best to be sure. I hook the sharp point of the wire under the top of the rectangle, loosening the skin. I grasp it securely, and with a deep breath, rip the skin free. Searing pain and trickling blood and my P'o falls silent, waiting.

One.

Twenty-seven to go.

***********************************************************************

I've slept late, so Tien comes in to wake me.

"Good morn……" Her voice falters as I sit up, dried blood sticking my shirt to my chest.

"What happened?" She spots the torn mattress and the bloody spring I had dropped on the floor. Her eyes are angry and sad." Why?"

"It was necessary" My mind clear again, I can meet her eyes squarely.

"I'll get someone to heal you" She turns to go, but I stop her.

"No"

"At least let me get something to keep it from scarring"

"It's supposed to."

She gets me a clean shirt and a washcloth to clean off the blood. Her eyes flicker over the semicircle of wounds and comprehension shows on her face.

Later that day they let me out.


End file.
